This Book is Full of Spiders

This Book is Full of Spiders (John Dies at the End #2)
Author: David Wong
Genre: Fantasy | Comedy | Science-Fiction
Release Date: March 13th, 2012
GoodReads

First of all, I wanted to say that I should have known that it was too good to last. The spontaneity and insane plot twists that were prevalent in the first book is glaringly absent in its sequel. I'm not saying it's really bad. I'm just saying it's not anywhere near as good as the first book.

The first book; John Dies at the End (JDate), wasn't written with any fixed plots in line. Reading it felt like the author was just winging it as he went, with random turns and swerving in the storyline that made you wonder where it was all going. That came out very well and made you feel invigorated albeit bewildered at times, to read this fine piece of random chaotic plots. If you're looking for a great break-down of JDate, just check out the great Stephen's review of it here.

In comparison TBiFoS is subjected to a more rigid and conventional plot. You know where it's going, and how it's going to end but you don't know what will happen in between. That's the ugly bit. It's nearly predictable (but not quite!). The one thing that made it uberly awesome in JDate was almost removed entirely from TBiFoS.

Now back to the book itself. TBiFoS is about a supernatural critter that looks like a spider, but it invisible to most people with the exception of "Them", David and John. Oh and they also take over people's bodies by burrowing into their mouths and brains, ripping apart their soft tissues while doing so, creating the physical semblance of a nearly unstoppable Zombie. The spiders appeared out of nowhere and were nesting in David's bed for some weird reason (never stated), and apparently those two doofuses thought that the best way to handle the situation is not by trying to quarantine the outbreak in their house, but rather by burning the house down. Which inevitable leads to their escape into the wild and subsequent mind control of the entire town of [Undisclosed]. Fortunately the military responded in time and blockaded the entire town before it really got out of hand. Unfortunately they're also going to raze the entire town with thousands of pounds of explosives with the duo still inside.

TBiFoS' plot is furthered by a series of  foolish decisions made by the duo, which serve to screw things up even more and some really, really bad moves by Amy (which by the way made me want to throw the book at the wall, that's how stupid it -no she- was.) If it wasn't for her, it wouldn't have gotten this bad and a major character wouldn't have gotten knocked off. But then there wouldn't have been a story. But honestly I would have preferred one without her.

JDate was awesome, the epitome of comedic storytelling in a modern supernatural setting. TBiFoS felt like the author was trying too hard to replicate the soaring success of his previous book but crashed and burned, taking down everything that made the first book so damn good. TBiFoS was nowhere near JDate on the awesomeness scale. You'd be better off relishing the good memories and laughs you got out of the first book than sully it by reading this.

Scores:
Cover: 5
Characters: 5
Story: 6

Overall:  5.5/10 (3 Stars)

Sweet Blood of Mine

Sweet Blood of Mine
Author: John Corwin
Genre: Fantasy | Young Adult
Release Date: April 27th, 2012
GoodReads | Smashwords


5 fucking solid stars. If I could go any higher on the scale, I would have given it a 6. Hell, I'll go and do that. 6 stars. It's that good. I recommend to it lovers of Young Adult fiction and paranormal romance lovers. To the supporters of the underdog and nerdy hero who just can't cut a break in life, this is for you. This is truly awesomeness in word-form. I can't believe the author is self-published. It's amazing how good Sweet Blood of Mine is. It's funny, witty and downright touches your heart (my heart nearly stopped at one point where a major change in relationship status occurred). The romance is realistic. It builds up over time. It's not spontaneous like most YA novels. There isn't any "I want to be with you and I have no real idea why, but the author wants me to do it to further the plot".

So put down that shallow, and predictable mainstream love triangle crap you've been reading about angsty bitches who have it all and just can't see it. The one about the heroine who pines after that dark and mysterious new guy for no real reason other than good looks alone and a mysterious "attraction" she can't explain. Pick up this book instead. You have to read it to find out for yourself, and I assure you, you won't regret it.


Scores:
Cover: 8
Characters: 10
Story: 10

Comment:  If you're interested in reading a free sample (35% of the ebook), just head over to the following link. It's open internationally and you can download pretty much any format for your ereader. If you end up loving the book, you can also purchase it for $2.99 on the same site.

http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/155065

F in Exams: The Very Best Totally Wrong Test Answers

F in Exams: The Very Best Totally Wrong Test Answers
Author: Richard Benson
Genre: Humor
Release Date: 2008
GoodReads

I had pretty mixed feelings about this book. For a comedy book it wasn't very funny. In fact, only 10% of the "funny" answers got a laugh of out me. Most of the answers were just plain stupid,  especially the farming bit (under Geography). Stupidity isn't humorous. In fact, I'd wager a guess that the author came up with a significant portion of the answers since they had all the same "OMG I'm trying too hard to be funnies!" feeling to them.

The bits that were funny were more in line with tongue in cheek or sarcastic humor (from students who clearly realize they don't know their answers and are trying to make light of it.) The polar bears and seals had me laughing for awhile. The banana car, was just pure win and had me rolling around on my bed laughing every single time I looked at that page.

Overall, it's a decent comedy read. Maybe it's because I'm too "Asian" that I tend to take studies seriously and put it on a higher pedestal than most people (who seem to loathe school and just want to get by, while I on the other hand try my best to excel). Maybe I took things too literally but then again, The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-time Indian was extremely hilarious and had me laughing at all the jokes/racist humor. Either that or the jokes here just aren't funny.

Scores:
Overall: 4.5/10

The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-time Indian

The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian
Author: Sherman Alexie
Genre: Young Adult | Humor
Release Date: September 12th, 2007
GoodReads

This is a book about modern day Indians. No, we're not talking about those guys from India. We're talking about Christopher Columbus's Red Indians. The main protagonist of this story, Arnold "Spirit" Junior is a Native American/ Indian who lives on a Spokane reservation. He's got problems that make the rest of ours seem trivial in comparison. Despite that he strives to make the most of what he's got. In order to do that though, he has to go school outside of the reservation...to a school dominated by white people.

This creates a huge furor on the reservation. The Indians see Junior as a traitor and ostracize him. His best friend on the reservation Rowdy abandons him. Heck, even the white kids at his new school don't accept him save for a few exceptions.

This book is full of racism. By that I mean the racist attitudes and actions of WHITE people toward Indians. That's right, not only weren't they happy with taking all that land those centuries ago, they still have to put a brother down just to make themselves feel superior. However, the author manages to tone down the seriousness of the racism by injecting some tongue in cheek humor and some old fashioned butt-whooping.

"Hey, Chief," Roger said. "You want to hear a joke?"
"Sure," I said.
"Did you know that Indians are living proof that niggers fuck buffalo?"
I felt like Roger had kicked me in the face. That was the most racist thing I'd ever heard in my life.
Roger and his friends were laughing like crazy. I hated them. And I knew I had to do something big. I couldn't let them get way with that shit. I wasn't just defending myself. I was defending Indians, black people, and buffalo.
So I punched Roger in the face.
He wasn't laughing when he landed on his ass. And he wasn't laughing when his nose bled like red fireworks.
I struck some fake karate pose because I figured Roger's gang was going to attack me for bloodying their leader.
But they just stared at me.
They were shocked."You punched me," Roger said. His voice was thick with blood. "I can't believe you punched me."
He sounded insulted.
He sounded like his poor little feelings had been hurt.
I couldn't believe it.
He acted like he was the one who'd been wronged.
"You're an animal," he said.

Youch. The bit about defending the honor of buffaloes is awesome. xD It's not all about the social divide between Indians and Whites. There are good people on both sides, and there are the racists. As Junior aptly said:

"I used to think the world was broken down by tribes, by black and white. By Indian and white. But I know that isn't true. The world is only broken into two tribes. The people who are assholes and the people who are not."

Amen Brother. My favorite quotes include the following:

i)...our white dentist believed that Indians only felt half as much pain as white people did, so he only gave us half the Novocain.
What a bastard, huh?

ii) My head was so big that little Indian skulls orbited around it. Some of the kids called me Orbit. And other kids just called me Globe. The bullies would pick me up, spin me in circles, put their finger down on my skull, and say, "I want to go there."

 iii) "I'm only an alcoholic when I get drunk." (This one is actually a drawing, but I couldn't find a copy of it on the internet and I was too lazy to scan it. =P

Scores:
Cover: 8
Characters: 8.5
Story: 9

Overall:  8.75/10
Comment: This is truly a coming of age story that shines far above the rest. Despite having multiple instances of profanity (tons actually) and some not so discreet references to masturbation and sex, True Diary is a hilarious read. The witty writing and extremely goofy drawings (did I mention that Junior is an epic cartoonist?) had me laughing until the last page. The book was also banned by multiple libraries and schools, which gives it the seal of approval from me. Hey, if they don't want you to read it, it's most likely too awesome for them. =P